Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Rollercoaster Designer

First night out post The Player was disastrous. I was angry, hurt, bitter... and worst of all, in self-destruct mode.

So, off I go, back to the playground.

I was supposed to meet a girlfriend there. A notoriously unreliable one. I walked in, looked around, couldn't see her, walked to the bar and ordered a drink.
Now, this place called the 'meat market' for a reason. You don't stand at the bar on your own for long. It took a whole of about three seconds before I had company. Seeing as I couldn't see my girlfriend, I figured this would pass the time.

This guy was priceless. Amazingly arrogant. We bantered about how long you should wait for someone. I have an eight minute rule (for meetings) as I believe that time is precious and not to be wasted.  He believes that 'at the rate he charges' (apparently a grand an hour) he can afford to just sit around and wait.
I debated that he charged a grand an hour. He pointed out that I must not know many lawyers. I pointed out more so that if he charged that rate, he could afford a decent suit. He seemed unimpressed.

He and his mate (there were three of them, one was quiet) kept asking what I did for a living. So I told them I did handstands. It was the first thing that came to mind, and it was bugging the shit out of them, so I stuck with it.

He was a recruitment consultant.  I tried to redeem myself (on the suit comment) by telling him I was in the market for a new job.  His response: "Oh no sweety, I only do executive recruitment". Arsehole.
His mate was a real estate agent...

Then there was the third one, their other mate. He was quiet, just kept smirking. He'd listen, scoff, then look around, wander off, come back. When he did talk, he was hilarious. I asked him what he did for bread, he told me he was a rollercoaster designer. Kudos.

My girlfriend never showed, so I called it. The RD asks if I'm going home on my own. I tell him what is real: I always go home on my own. I've never had a one night stand in my life.
He asks me if I always play by the rules.
Me: not always.
Him: So lets go then.
Me: *thinking* - Screw it. Lets go.

We left and I did what I always swore I would never do. I took him home. First one night stand ever. It was terrible. What he did when he slept could not be classified as snoring... Bellowing perhaps, paint stripping, grating... I think you get the gist...

6am couldn't come soon enough. I handed him a towel, pointed out the shower and called him a cab.

And then the priceless moment came, thankfully I was expecting it:
Him: So... I don't know your name
Me: Do you need to?
Him: It would be useful.
Me: And why's that?
Him: For when I call.
Me: I think we both know that's not going to happen... It's called a 'one night stand' for a reason.
Him: So...
Me: Why don't you just make one up?
Him: Hmmm. *thinks this over* How about Clair
Me: Claire's fine.
Him: is that with or without an 'e'.
Me: If you like the e, add an e, if you don't leave it out.

So he takes my number (lord only knows why), adds it to his phone under "Clair" (he went for the sans-'e' option), and surprise surprise, never called.

I get why I don't do the one night stand thing now. It doesn't appeal to me. That said, this, unfortunately, wasn't the last...

No comments:

Post a Comment