I've put off writing this post for quite some time I've realised. Because for all the fun and frivolity that I have, for all the things I'm happy to take light heartedly and cast aside, eventually something is bound to change.
This is the pivotal point in my dating adventures... I reevaluate from here on.
It started with a cheeky email. Then we chatted online. I remember typing furiously, giggling, glass of wine in hand. Then a 'quick' phone call that lasted for hours.
I've often been baffled and frustrated by the concept of 'chemistry'. Annoyed when it is there, and often equally annoyed when it is missing. Some beautiful things could be in my life if I had the capability of flicking on a switch that would enable me to love to that degree, by choice. It frustrates me that someone else can have the 'power' to turn me into mush at a simple thought. When I'm smitten I have the incapacity to think for days on end, I become an ogre, and an excitable child at the drop of a hat. I like to deflect this aspect of my personality by saying that I'm "passionate". Rather, I'm irrational!
The first time we met started with laughter. My car has a safety feature I often forget about; it automatically locks the passenger door when I drive. I picked up The Player from his place, and was incredibly nervous. So when he was standing, for a good twenty seconds, at the passenger door, I thought perhaps he was nervous too. But rather, my car had locked him out. Upon eventual realisation, I unlocked the door, but was laughing hysterically. I’m not sure he found it as funny as I did!
We picked up coffee, took a drive down to the beach, and wandered the shores. It was a perfect evening. 28 degrees, clear night, great company, amazing views, coffee, and an amazing amount of chemistry. We carried on like kids in the shallows of the ocean til we were soaked and it was late. We giggled like children. We held hands. He even found me a perfect shell to take a piece of the night home.
I am, after all, and believe it or not, a devastatingly hopeless romantic.
I awoke the next morning to a succinct but incredibly sweet text.
Date #2 - we went for Japanese by way of the local shopping centre. We happened to pass by a pet store. We stopped to look at the puppies. He asks the lady to pull out this adorable cocker spaniel, and hands me this tiny adorable puppy. Who does that!
Dinner was great, conversation - easy. He slips the possibility of time in January for a holiday to Japan... (It's November)...
Date #3 - I'm passing by his work on the way back to my office from a City meeting, so I stop by for coffee. He proudly takes my hand, leads me into his local coffee joint and orders me coffee without consultation by me. He remembers my coffee order - sounds small, big tick on my list.
Date #4 was a fair amount of time after Date #3, although there were several emails, phone calls and IM's between. He invited me around for dinner. He picks me up at the door and carries me into his loungeroom. He pours me a glass of my favourite wine (Ref Date #2). He hands me this amazing bunch of flowers. Dinner was great, conversation fantastic, chemistry intense.
Date #5 was again almost a week post Date 4. We'd had a conversation in the interim that had ended badly so I wanted to make it up to him. (I'm a lover not a fighter.) I packed a picnic basket and picked him up. It was a warm night, so we went back to the beach. It was nice. We sat, ate, talked. Ended up back at his place and resolved the earlier argument in ways that weren't planned, but didn't take me by surprise considering the chemistry that there was between us. The sex was unfulfilling... But this is what I expect if you're going go jump into bed with someone at this early stage of getting to know them.
Two days later I had plans to have lunch with him during the day (a Wednesday). The conversation in the morning started (by him) with requests to define the perfect night in. The conversation got a little raunchy, and lunch ended up with quick and dirty sex back at his place. By the time I dropped him back to work I knew it was over.
I have never longed so badly for someone to turn their head. Watching him walk towards his office it became clearer with every step. By the time I got back to my office, he was ‘offline’, which he never was.
I left it a day. It’s amazing how long a day can seem in the electronic world. I refused to log into gmail, but then would check it anyway. Every time my phone went off I would jump a mile. Every new email became a burden to check. I began to justify to myself all the reasons these things could happen, reiterate to myself that I was acting like an idiot. I even tried telling myself that I didn’t really like him anyway...
We’d had plans for Friday night. He had asked to join me at my brother’s function. So I touched base Friday afternoon, but he had an appointment with his personal trainer he'd ‘forgotten’ about. I’m pretty sure I drank an entire bottle of tequila that night.
The next day I get a text message asking how my night was. It caught me off guard. My reply was short. Mentioned I was at the beach (the picnic beach). He said he knew, he’d driven past and saw my car. That was the last conversation we had.
It was only three weeks. 21 odd days. A handful of dates. I felt so amazingly alive. I trusted what was presented to me as too good to be true. But worst of all was that at the end, it felt like I’d been played from the very beginning.