Saturday, March 19, 2011


As some of my more "frequent" readers would be aware, it's been a while since I've blogged.

There are reasons for that.
Mostly because there has been something a little more permanent in my life.
I'm not going to go into it here and now, because it certainly, if not more than, deserves at least a post of its own.

However, now comes the part where dating is an option, or a necessity, right now.  This brings me back to an old post I meant to write many months ago.  I had drafted some of it, so I'll reflect and use this opportunity to cast back and learn from my own advice :)

A while back, I took a girlfriend of mine out to The Playground with me as she was keen to get 'back into the action'. She asked how I manage to start conversations, how I interact with a stranger in a bar.  We talked about the best places to sit, and conversely, the worst... She noted "There are so many rules".

Guidelines - they're just guidelines...

These are the snippets I live by in bars. Take it or leave it. It's not rocket science or ground breaking stuff, but it works:

  • Always do a lap of the bar before you get your first drink. This way you can work out the best real estate. 
  • Don't put yourself into a corner.  If someone creepy comes along, it makes it harder to get away.
  • If you see someone you want to talk to I find the trick is not to cramp their style by plonking yourself down next to them.  Rather, find a spot where you/they are clearly visible, make eye contact, hold it, smile, THEN look away.  Do this two, or three times max, but over time.  If he/she doesn't hold your eye contact, they're not interested, move on.
  • If you're in a conversation and it's dull, move on, but no need to be rude about it. (You never know, his gorgeous friend might show up later!)
  • If he buys you a drink and you're genuinely interested in the guy (or gal) then reciprocate, buy him (or her) the next drink. If not, don't let him buy you more than one.  Be polite, say thanks, and move on.
  • If you decide to go home with your new found friend, he (or she) is more than likely going to expect sex. You can do dating with sex later on, but you cannot do sex with dating later on. It just does not work. (See The Kid)
Some bonus pointers - but this is merely etiquette:

  • Keep politics, religion and money out of the conversation.  
  • If you don't know, don't pretend.
  • Be interesting, funny always helps.   Keep it light. Don't exclude anyone from the conversation, particularly, don't focus only on the person you're interested in...

Whilst this goes against everything feminists fight for... If you wear a low cut top that shows off how great your potential nursing capability is, then expect a guy to look. Lets be realistic here: Men Like Boobs. If you put them out there, they'll look. Don't whinge about it like its new news afterwards.  
OK, blatant staring is probably a little OTT, you might want to move on and find someone a little more subtle at that point.

Like I said, these are not rules, they are merely guidelines.

The Old Man

I have a thing for accents. I'm sure we've covered this before.
I'm not sure if it's the mystery, the unknown, the fact that it's something different to the norm, the excitement. I think you get the gist?
I'd recently taken a trip to New York. The myriad of accents in the States is like heaven to me.

I digress. I went with a girlfriend to the ol' Playground & was in a particularly mischivious mood. We parked ourselves at a large table, and were enjoying the scenery when the gentleman across the table caught my ear with his thick, brash Scottish accent.

He was chatting, at that point, to two young ladies who were as taken by this Old Man as I was. So I flashed him one of the cheekiest, best grins I had, threw in a wink for good measure, and went back to my conversation.

After a little while, the lovely Scot decided to join us for a drink. Now, I understand where the saying "the grass is always greener" comes from. Whilst listening to this dashing man was quite the pleasure, the content of the conversation was somewhat lacking to say the least. Rather, after a single drink it ended, rather abruptly, after he suggested we "head back to mine for the night" considering his wife still lived with him.

I've come to hear this tale time & time again, of the heart broken man, who needs to be cared for, who's (ex) wife has damaged and broken him (but of course still lives in his home). It's boring. Unimaginative. Dull. And put plainly, I'm just not that dumb!