Template

As promised - the Template - the priceless email I received that is now used as my basis for "it's not you, it's me..."

I've left this as close to the original email as possible - it's too priceless to modify.

You get the gist, and of course needs to be modified for each circumstance, but it's now a great Template, has been used for such instances as The Gardener, and soon, the Baker.




Hi,

Sorry to not write to you sooner, it's been a busy wknd/week, just got back from Brissie, ha, like that's an excuse....

It's been so great to meet and get to know you, and while I'm not exactly sure what i'm looking for I have some ideas, and you're a great catch, there are so many likable qualities to you, I admire your determination, strength, hope, intelligence, sense of humour and plans for the future, you're pretty (and drive a nice car!)

I had fun meeting you and enjoyed your company, the similarities of our situations are almost unbelievable and it's tempting to catch up again..
I think though that I've not been "on the scene for long" I need to meet a few more girls before I know what I really want, try to get it right this time ;) not to mention the career choice I will have to make in the next few weeks! Bout the only thing i'm sure of is whether I'm an Arthur or Martha!

So for the time being I probably want to cool it and just see what happens
I'm not sure where you're at but wish you all the best, in case we don't catch up in the future
And who knows neighbour, might see you round the traps!

Oh yeah, Kept meaning to ask you about that tongue stud.... what's that about?
xx The Quiet One.




So there you have it - adapt at will for those of you who might find it useful - best "break up" email I've ever had ;) (considering we were hardly dating!)

The Osteo

The final of my four dates on The Weekend was with The Osteo.
We'd emailed, chatted on the phone, and I was very much looking forward to this date.

We went to Milsons Point for Brunch on the Sunday, and I ended up picking him up on the way there.  I actually like starting a date this way, as there is an instant distraction; you have to focus on driving rather than focus on your date. It does make for a great ice-breaker.

We went to Lavender Blue for brunch, they do a good brunch there, and it was lovely. He was a very handsome man, and entertaining to boot. He told stories of his flat-mates, how one of them lived off vegemite toast, how the other was needy. He was funny and witty. This appeals to me above all else.

When brunch was over he asked if I wanted to head over the road for a cheeky bevvie. It was at this point after midday, so one wouldn't hurt. I was excited at this point to discover that the Cricket had started, so we watched the game for a while whilst enjoying a nice glass of white, chatting away about the Cricket.  It was a great afternoon, laid back, easy, the way I'd choose to spend the day with any friend had I the choice.

I dropped him home and upon doing so he said that he'd really like to catch up again, that he'd enjoyed himself so much, and when I was free next.   I had two nights that week free, Monday night and Thursday night.  He responded that he knew that it wasn't following normal dating 'protocol' but that he'd love to catch up again the next night, even though it was so soon. He'd mentioned that he had a family lunch, so I suggested he see how his lunch go and touch base with me in the afternoon, but I'd definitely like to catch up again.

I heard from him the next day, later in the afternoon, and he was still with his family so I suggested maybe Thursday would suit better. He agreed.

Come Wednesday he bailed out of Thursday, saying he thought I was a great chick, that I had a lot to offer, that he'd really enjoyed the Sunday, but that he didn't want to meet up again.
I'll be honest - as that's the idea here - I was gutted. But on reflection, I'm glad he was so truthful, because meeting up a second time would have been misleading.


So, an entire weekend full of dates. Two got no further than first date. Two did, but not by much... At least it was compressed... I now understand why people do it in six minutes. I haven't tried the conventional speed-dating scene yet. But understand now why I think it's a good idea...

The Gardener

I was excited about this one. We'd exchanged a few emails, chatted on the phone, and he was lovely, and most attentive.

We met at the Town Hall over a lemonade before dinner in Balmain on the Saturday of The Weekend.  I joked around with the bartender, talking whilst I waited for him, about going easy on the lemonade, but The Gardener didn't find it so funny when he got there.

Dinner was nice (see The Ambulance Chaser).
He was nice. Really nice.
Cricket was this guys life. This works well for me - I love the cricket, and good thing too, otherwise we wouldn't have had a thing to discuss. Except maybe the dog.

He was a placid fellow. Nice, oh, so nice.

He bought John Butler tickets for second date on a whim based on a random comment I made about liking a song... I couldn't make it that night, nor could I cancel the commitment I had.  He went anyway... on his own.

We did make date #2. He wouldn't eat seafood, chinese, (actually make that asian food of any type), or anything spicy. Basically, the guy lived on pasta.
We had a nice evening.
He dropped me home, even snuck in a kiss, and I remembered what it was like to have someone to come home with... but that faded as soon as it appeared as I got my keys, wished him farewell, and headed to bed.

I remember my neighbour telling me, as The Gardener has picked me up "You're going to eat him alive".  She was right, I would have.

I remember emailing him, using The Template to end it. He sent me back a sweet, but slightly broken email. I felt bad, he was so lovely, so nice.
I honestly hope he has found the woman of his dreams, she'll be a spoilt and very loved woman.

The Nerd

Short and sweet.

Saturday morning of The Weekend. Went up to the local shops and had coffee with The Nerd.  Now you may think that The Nerd is an unkind Term, but alas you are wrong! It is a term of endearment when one has a nerd fetish, as I do ;)
I love technology, everything about it, what it enables us to do, all the cool shit that it does for us, what we have at our fingertips because of it.  I started my corporate life out in Tech Support. God I miss that job.

So, we had coffee. He was nervous. His pictures (online dating) were kind. We talked about BlackBerries and Servers and Technical Support. It was a HOT date...
It also lasted <30 minutes.

A couple of days later he sent me an email telling me how to fix a problem I'd never been able to resolve with my BB, very sweet of him. There was no follow up coffee, nor question of one, no spark, no flirting, nothing.

If I bumped into him again now, I'd have another coffee with him for sure. I'd stay friends with him because I did like that side of him, but I wouldn't date him, and both he and I were after someone to date. I was not about to blur that with a "lets just be friends" line.


I know I keep these posts neutral: no names, no photos, but I kinda have to break this rule here because it is so pertinent, and short of him reading this post, which is unlikely (but I suppose not impossible) I think it's harmless.
His name was Chad. Perfect.

The Quiet One

So, Friday night, the first of The crazy Weekend.

I found this one online.  We'd exchanged a chunk of emails, and he'd laid good groundwork - one thing that always impresses me, this guy could make me laugh in print, we were already onto a good thing.

Here's a tip though - If you choose to do the internet dating thing, and if you choose to meet somewhere like a pub (which is a great first date by the way) make sure you've been given a clear and recent photograph!
Short of smiling at every mid-thirties man who walked through the door, which, in itself is really not such a bad idea ;) I honestly had no idea what I was looking for!
The Quiet One had posted photos which were distant, so I had to hope that he recognised me, and then in doing so, still chose to come over to the table ;)
In addition, I refuse to wear my glasses in a pub, so seeing as far as the door was useless anyway!

Thankfully, he recognised me, and, as a bonus, he was a bit of a looker at that! Amazing eyes. Crystal blue, like holiday brochures.
I got the impression that he was nervous, and very shy. We chatted, a lot about parenting. We found comfortable conversation. It was nice, easy, relaxed.
He mentioned that there was a great Japanese restaurant that his mate had told him about, just a few doors up. Asked if I was hungry.  So we headed out for dinner. We turned first date into date 1.1
I'm always wary of this extension of date option. I realise that you're supposed to leave the other person wanting. The old chasing game. I'm also not a believer in games...

I was conscious, at this point, that I had no cash in my wallet. I hate having an empty wallet.
This may come as a surprise to those of you who have read my previous posts, but I'm a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to first dates (or first dinner dates at least). Some things should just be left the old fashioned way (I'm happy to debate this one). 
First dinner should be covered by the guy. But the girl should still offer. He should turn her down and cover it.
Post first date, if there is interest from the girl, she can insist on taking him out to dinner as she 'owes him dinner', and she must insist on paying for dinner (on the night).

So, we're walking to the Japanese, and it literally is just two or three doors up, so I politely excuse myself heading for the ATM. He stops me outside the restaurant, and says that it's ok, just come in.  I insist, explaining that I have no cash, that I'll be back in just a minute, so instead, he kisses me (!) and pulls me into the restaurant.

We eat, the conversation continued to be excellent, then the bill came. $70 for dinner. I instinctively went for my purse. Problem. $20 note. He's looking expectantly at me across the table.
This to me, at this point, seems unreasonable. I made it clear I needed cash. Fair enough, the going for the purse move was misleading, but reactive only. So I say to him: I'll get dinner next time?

As we leave, he wishes me goodnight, says he's had a great night and that he'd love to catch up again. We go our separate ways. When I got home, I sent a text saying thank you for dinner, I had a great night, would be nice to do so again.


I had a pretty hectic schedule that weekend ;) so the lack of response, whilst noticed, didn't worry me too much. But the following Tuesday, I received a response: I enjoyed dinner too, let's go for a climb one night this week?

We caught up, the following week, went climbing. I like activity-dates. Sweating like a pig, though, is not exactly how you want someone to see you if you're thinking about dating them! We had fun, and then, of course Date 2 turned into, you got it, 2.1  We did dinner afterwards. I, of course, paid for dinner. In fact, I think, in his mind, there was no question about it. There was no offer, no move towards the wallet... It was a payback dinner. 
Again, the conversation over dinner was easy, comfortable, entertaining.  When we went our separate ways, he suggested catching up that weekend.

We exchanged a few texts over the coming week. I played it very cool. Then, out of nowhere, I got the email which, from that point onwards would be referred to as The Template.

I'm actually tempted to blog the entire email, but I think it's worthy of its very own post, so I'll leave it for another day. So instead, I'll summarise:
It was a 'break up' email really, except we weren't dating, so we couldn't break up. But it was excellently written. It was effectively "it's not you, it's me", however written so well you didn't realise what was going on until you got to the end due to its cleverly crafted nature and adept flattery.
It came from out of the blue, considering the note we left on. But the thing that threw me more than anything else about this email was the skill by which it was written! There was no chance I was not plagiarising this email - hence The Template ;)

He's emailed me from time to time since then, touched base, seen how I was doing, what I was up to, filled me in on his life. He's a nice guy... Way too nice for me. 
I've adapted some of that niceness into my life now though, and as such I wonder how many people out there are using this same Template...